Robot Wars was metal AF
As the BBC has seen fit to cancel Robot Wars (again) after an 18-month stretch of mis-management, I figure now is as good a time as any to explain why this was the greatest TV show "the beeb" ever produced.
Well, Except for The Young Ones.
And Early Doors.
Robot Wars, for the uninitiated, was a biannual robot-gladiator tournament, filmed over a weekend and then broadcast in hourly chunks over several weeks. Each match pitted two (or more) robots against each other in a three-minute battle to the death in an arena full of spikes, flamethrowers, pits, and most famously of all, the House Robots. The House Robots were a team of specially-designed killing machines, set to guard a specific corner of the arena, the Corner Patrol Zone (CPZ). If a competitor strayed, or was pushed, into the CPZ, its guardian bot would attack and, if possible, try to ram them into one of the arena's many hazards. Watching a buzz-saw tear through a home-made robot's tires before they are unceremoniously dumped on a flame pit never gets old.
Back in the 90s, however, this show wasn't simply freaking awesome, it was a cultural phenomenon. There were robot action figures, videogames, a Christmas single ↗, and even a loosely-affiliated robot building magazine. Fights broadcast that night would become the stuff of legends on the playground the next day. Kids would fight over which robot was the best (Hypnodisc), and how they'd be competing in the next series, because they were building the best robot ever, with the help of their uncle, who was a mechanic (no, you can't see it this weekend, my uncle is out of town).
It wasn't just the robots that made Robot Wars the greatest thing on Earth; it was the entire branding of the show. It simply oozed 90s anti-cool, in the way that only nerd-TV could. It had dudes in trench-coats building robots that looked like lobsters and chunks of cheese. It had robotic knight Sir Kill-a-Lot. It had Jonathan Pearce's over the top commentary, and Craig Charles wearing tasseled leather jackets reciting his own robot-themed poetry. It was glorious.
Then, after seven wonderful seasons, it was cancelled. That could have been the end of it, until a few years ago, when a petition to bring the show back gained traction. Then came the announcement, that they had greenlit a new series. Jubilation! It was everything that fans had asked for! Well, not everything, they had decided to replace Craig with Dara O Briain (the first of many missteps) but hey, they still had Jonathan, and the House Robots (minus Sgt. Bash). With the increase in technology over the proceeding decade, things promised to be better than ever!
And it lived up to the promises! The rebooted series was even more exciting and destructive than the original, justifying the new double-layer of bullet-proof glass surrounding the arena. Throughout the three-season run, the show kept dishing out new surprises; smashing apart the arena, knocking down arena lights, arterial spray of hydraulic fluid, and even launching a meter long metal bar clear through a sheet of the aforementioned bullet proof glass. What a time to be alive!
The show may be cancelled once more (again, thanks BBC), but it will live on, in the hearts and minds of its fans. Just not in our DVD players, I mean £18 for six episodes? I already paid for this with my TV licence, you robbing bastards!
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